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Trump Announces Coronavirus Cure; Democrats Vow to Fight Cure

WASHINGTON, D.C.- After hearing that President Donald J. Trump has announced a cure for coronavirus, Democrat Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer held a press conference in front of the Capitol building to protest Trump’s achievement.

“The President once again has undermined the people and workers of America and has shown that he does not care about every American,” Pelosi said. “I am here to stand up for all of the mortuary workers, gravediggers and ambulance drivers of the country because they matter. I won’t stand for any further abuse against the American people by this President.”

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“He’s literally taking food off the table for tens of thousands of people in the funeral services industry by curing a disease that quite frankly was also giving new life to the entire Democrat Party platform,” Schumer said with a tear in his right struggling to let loose from his lower lid. “I just don’t know what to say.  With longer life expectancies, a great economy and better healthcare services, Trump has devasted this industry and this latest action is just cruel and unusual punishment for people who also deserve to just be able to go to work and make a living.”

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“As I have maintained since day one, we have to take care of the cure that will make the problem worse no matter what,” former Vice President Joe Biden said. “Now that the President has found the cure that will take care of the disease, it just means he has done nothing but made this problem worse…and that makes him worse than this latest swine flu pandemic.”

“I’m not giving back the ventilators,” said New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. “They’re mine…all mine…he can’t have them.”

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Pelosi and Schumer vow to fight the President to reinstate the COVID-19 pandemic to continue at least through November.

“I remember when I was a kid, we’d tie garlic up on the front door to keep vampires out of the house,” Biden added.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stood behind Schumer and Pelosi flailing her arms, “Cow farts! If Trump doesn’t kill us all, the cow farts will!”

Biden consoled Cortez, with his hands held high on her hips while whisper-sniffing in her ear.

 

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