Americans All Vow to Stop Leaving Latex Gloves in Store Parking Lots

It took a lot of coaxing and embarrassing news stories, but today, all Americans have agreed to stop dropping their used latex surgical gloves in store parking lots.

“It’s a great relief said one Publix manager in South Florida,”It was like the morning after prom night, but it lasted for weeks on end!”

Americans said they finally realized that thinking of the safety and health of their neighbors and people in their community should come first before themselves.

“Here I am getting 20 super-sized packages of toilet paper for my little girls back at home and never once did I stop to think that that high school kid picking up the gloves I threw on the ground also has a family to go home to when he’s done clearing the entire parking lot,” said Shamus Henderson of Oak Creek, Virginia.  “It made me realize, it’s not all about me after all.”

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With his pickup truck bed loaded with paper towels and cases of bottled water from five other supermarkets he visited today, Glenn Richardson said doing the right thing felt good as he gently rolled up his gloves and threw them into the trash bin four feet from his F-250.

“It feels great not to be a douchebag,” he said as he sighed and smiled. “I kinda like this feeling…it’s all new to me.”