NEW YORK CITY, NY – Dave Portnoy, CEO of Bar Stool Sports let loose this week against the coronavirus and the sudden change in politics in blue states that have moved from flattening the curve to finding a cure as the measure of when some statewide lockdowns will end. Portnoy who is also an internet celebrity for his in-you-face pizza reviews has been eating and reviewing frozen pizzas for two months now while in quarantine to continue to entertain his loyal readership each day. When it comes to COVID-19, Portnoy is a bit more serious and wants to know, “How the fuck did we get where are now?”
“What the fuck is going on?” Portnoy asked. “When did this become flatten the curve to we have to fund a cure or everyone’s going to die?”
Portnoy took a shot a Dr. Anthony Fauci who originally said the coronavirus wasn’t going to impact America, and now is saying if we go outside, everyone is going to die, “All we heard is flatten the curve, now it’s a 180, it’s like going on a six-hour flight and five hours and a half go by, they tell us it’s going to be another 10 hours.”
“You can’t just make everyone stay inside and start over, it’s insane, what the fuck do you think is going to happen?” he said. “You can’t just decimate the economy. How the fuck is that going to work?”
“Let me roll the dice and play the corona, or at least give me the choice,” Portnoy said.