The following is satire based on real events.
Toms River, NJ – Toms River Mayor Maurice Hill is a maverick, leading the anti-Phil Murphy facemask indoors at work thing because, well, it’s stupid and COVID-19 is probably fake and made up because he’s a dentist and served in the Navy reserves and doesn’t want to get “mask mouth”. Hill has been publicly defiant in breaking the workplace guidelines set forth by the CDC, NJ Department of Health and even the Ocean County Department of Health. During his day, nobody had to social distance. Milk was a quarter and gas was 10 cents per gallon nad people didn’t need no stinkin’ face masks. We called to try to leave a message on Hill’s answering machine, even sent fax, but maybe we just need to send him a copy of the newspaper that explains why you should wear a mask when indoors to stop the spread of this new-fangled virus thing going around.
Now, Hill sure is in a pickle as those pesky Toms River residents who really should be seen and not heard until the next election have raised quite a fuss over his maskless photographs he’s been uploading in the internet Facebook thing.
“I ain’t dead yet,” said Hill who later told us back in his day things were just different and his generation just let God handle who lived and who died during a pandemic.
“I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days,” Hill said. “So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ’em.”
Mo has been giving out pieces of paper as rewards for people who showed up to work during the COVID-19 pandemic, and maybe a little bit of something else…like rona?
While his new director of public laws, the $2,000,000 man Gregory P. McGuckin is out writing laws to fine Toms River residents $15,000 for violating Murphy’s laws, maskless Mo says “f’ that, masks are for p*ssies. I was in the Navy and I’m a dentist.”
On August 13th, Hill said congratulations to Angela Ilaria from the Tax Assessor’s Office. Mayor Hill presented a Certificate to Angela for “Outstanding Customer Service” for assisting a resident with his Disabled Veterans Application form. Congratulations Angela, now go get yourself a test and watch out for the murder hornet that looks like it’s flying around town hall.
John Hopkins Oh jeez,he still won’t wear it. And everyone gets so giddy when they get their paper award,that safety goes right out the window along with their common sense.
Bill McDermott So its so safe there no masks however we can’t get our teachers to come back to open schools
Jane Mahon Social distance, mask, not with this administration
Maureen McCarthy Mastropierro Mask
Vicki Tartas Congrats on doing your job. Now where is your mask?
William Cap No Mask again..Nice
On July 14th, there was no MO-scial distancing for Mayor Mo or MVC Queen Maria Maruca on Little League opening day.