Saturday was a beautiful day. The weather hovered around 90 degrees, the sun was out and the air was somewhat dry. It was a beautiful day to kick off the 2021 season unofficially at the Jersey Shore. The boardwalks were packed, the beaches were booming. Even El Presidente Dave Portnoy stopped by to explore the culinary treasures that await visitors at the shore.
But, somewhere in a room with iPhone in hand, for New Jersey establishment GOP gubernatorial Jack Ciattarell, it was a dark day, filled with anger, hate, and animosity. He learned that his opponent Hirsh Singh was beating him in all of the polls. Several under-the-radar polls in the past seven days showed Ciattarelli and Singh neck and neck. Even in the super-secret poll nobody is supposed to know about.
How can that be? Jack asked his campaign consultants that he pays handsomely. After all, I have $4,000,000 in public taxpayer funds and the party line every county. How can this young brown kid from the Jersey Shore be beating me? I’m a well-connected I-talian former Assemblyman. I am NOT a swamp creature. I AM the swamp! I am the only one who can defeat Phil Murphy in November. My commercials smearing my opponent are on Fox News every commercial break. How is this asshat Singh beating me? And don’t say because I called the President unfit. Don’t say it’s because I called Donald Trump a charlatan. Don’t say it’s because I voted against helping the Jersey Shore recover after Superstorm Sandy. Don’t say it’s because I’m pro-choice. I don’t want to hear any of it anymore.Theory of Jack Ciattarelli conversation with campaign team.
Remember that meme video of Adolf Hitler losing his mind in the bunker? Yah, that’s what it was like at the Ciattarelli campaign HQ on Saturday.
So Jack did what any irrational boomer with a social media account would do. He started tweeting lies about his opponent that were just short of bat shit crazy.
Maybe if I be more like Donald Trump, they will like me, Jack figured.
So he fired off a bunch of angry white-guy tweets against Singh.
“I’ve had enough. This should be about Phil Murphy. Instead, Hirsh Singh is afraid to debate and he’s lying to cover it up. He has no answer for why he supported Barack Obama or why he shares donors with Hillary Clinton and Phil Murphy, or why he called police officers terrorists and disparaged women,” Ciattarelli fired off, reading off bullet points written down by his campaign team,” Ciattarelli said. “He knows that after five failed campaigns his lies are wearing thin with New Jersey voters. To be clear, I’m prepared to debate him at any time anywhere. Even in the basement of Hirsch’s parents house where he lives and doesn’t pay taxes.”Theory of Jack Ciattarelli conversation with campaign team.
It didn’t go over well. Over 2,000 comments were posted to Jack’s Facebook page telling him to stop being a petulant child and man up. His campaign team has now spent the past 24 hours deleting hundreds of comments similar.
Jack might have just shot himself in the foot. His completely unsubstantiated and baseless attack against Singh turned off a lot of people who were on the fence. Of course the hardcore Jack Pack cheered and jeered at the hundreds of primary voters telling him he was out of line.
Singh never supported Obama. He said out of the four years Obama was president, he enjoyed one speech, perhaps his most popular speech that called for unity between Muslims and Christians worldwide.
Jack never told us when or where Hirsh Singh called police office terrorists, but it sounds good…who knows, maybe it will stick..
He also said Singh would not debate him, which is another lie. Singh has opposed one debate’s requirement to show proof of vaccination. That’s because he’s against the Murphy Vax Passport and this requirement is an infringement of our rights. Thank you Hirsh for standing up to the left’s demands to show paper. Hirsh said he would freely debate Jack anytime…any place, but he’s not showing him his medical records or proof of vaccination to do so.
Jack wants the debate to be held virtually because he thinks Hirsh is unvaccinated and Jack, who is vaccinated, doesn’t want Hirsh’s COVID-19. No, but seriously, Jack wants to be able to debate virtually so he can read off the teleprompter and have his campaign team on the other side of the camera flipping him signs and showing cue cards. Be honest, Jack.
Ciattarelli spent his whole day on Facebook replying to the angry mob of God fearing, Trump loving Singh fans who defended the Atlantic County engineer. He pleaded with them to stick with him.
You got it all wrong, he told them. I’m the Trump guy not Hirsh. I’m the fiscal conservative. Not that young guy Hirsh. He’s a loser. He lives in his mom’s basement. He’s best friends with Hillary Clinton. He supported Obama. Please, vote for me, I’m the guy. Only I can beat Phil Murphy, he repeated himself all day, failing to take advantage of the beautiful weather just outside his bathroom door.Theory of Jack Ciattarelli conversation with campaign team.
As the day wound down, Jack kept deleting comments from the hundreds of people asking him if he had lost his mind. A mid-life crisis perhaps? A realization that $4,000,000 in taxpayer funding and the party line is worth about a cup of coffee in today’s political environment.
Today is Sunday, let’s hope Jack gets some much needed rest and relaxation and maybe goes to church and talks out his problems with his priest so he can get his sanity back, because who know, with all the odds in his favor, he might just be able to win it and we need somebody of sane character in the general election if Republicans hope to beat Phil Murphy in November.