One Bite Pizza review: Portnoy savages Seaside Heights boardwalk pizzeria

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SEASIDE HEIGHTS, NJ – Growing up at the Jersey Shore, we all know what boardwalk pizza is. It’s typically a lesser variant of the better pizza you find elsewhere in New Jersey. It’s typically a large, oversized slice with at an oversized price that flops and drips grease all over your hands.

As Dave Portnoy says, boardwalk pizza is pretty much always “drunk pizza”. It’s no surprise that Portnoy’s visit to the Jersey Shore boardwalks to try out pizza wasn’t going to go off without a hitch and on his second stop at the Seaside Heights Boardwalk, it went south.

After giving Maruca’s Tomato Pies an above average score, Portnoy slammed Three Brothers, a boardwalk ‘drunk pizza’ icon harshly. You all know, back in the club days, after getting out, you can always count on Three Brothers to get you going through the night. Perhaps a nice huge slice of pizza after a hot day on the beach and in the ocean hits the spot, but if you’re a pizza snob, it’s not the place you want to visit unless either of the two above scenarios apply.

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Portnoy ended up giving it a crushing 4.8, he redeemed the pizzeria by giving their fried Oreo an 8.2. Portnoy’s reviews can typically make or break a pizzeria, but in this case, people on the boardwalk will continue buying Three Brothers and their business won’t be impacted at all by the visit, hopefully.


Bonus feature: Portnoy put the camera on a girl wearing t-shirt featuring himself wearing the pandemic cheetah pajama outfit and the consensus of his fans, “She’s a plant, everybody knows the rules.”