Ah, the Taylor Ham vs. Pork Roll debate—a feud so iconic it could make the Hatfields and McCoys take notes. While President Trump may have dabbled in polarizing topics during his term, settling this debate by executive order would truly cement his legacy as the Divider-in-Chief (or Uniter-in-Chief, depending on your camp).
Imagine the chaos as executive order EO-123-TAYLOR-ROLL drops, declaring one name the official title of New Jersey’s most controversial breakfast meat. North Jersey Taylor Ham diehards would cheer for justice, while South Jersey Pork Roll purists might protest by burning bagels outside Trenton. Somewhere in the middle,
Central Jersey (if it exists—another debate for another executive order) would just be happy to eat their breakfast sandwich in peace.
Of course, Twitter would explode. Hashtags like #TeamPorkRoll, #TaylorHamTruthers, and the inevitable #MakeBreakfastGreatAgain would trend within minutes. Deli counters across the state would brace for impact as customers demanded allegiance to their side. The only winners here? Bagel shops and diners, which would see a spike in sales from people flocking to weigh in on this historic moment.
But here’s the thing: should this sacred argument really be resolved? Part of New Jersey’s charm is the endless banter over what to call that greasy, salty disc of breakfast heaven.
It’s a unifying fight, a statewide inside joke. Besides, if we settle this, what’s next? An executive order banning debates over which Wawa makes the best hoagie? Let’s not tempt fate.