NEW JERSEY — Preparing for an apocalypse in New Jersey isn’t just about survival but thriving with a touch of local flair. Here’s a cheeky yet practical guide to assembling your New Jersey Apocalypse Survival Kit, ensuring you’re ready for anything, Jersey style.
New Jersey is a rough place to live now, but can you imagine how it would be after some sort of apocalyptic event?
Here are ten items you should think about when making your New Jersey post-apocalyptic survival kit
Taylor Ham/Pork Roll and Bagels: In an apocalypse, why compromise on breakfast? Stock up on Taylor Ham (or pork roll, depending on which part of NJ you hail from) and a variety of bagels. It’s the quintessential New Jersey breakfast, apocalypse or not.
Diner Cookbook: When the local diner is no longer an option, a cookbook filled with NJ diner classics will be invaluable. Think disco fries, meatloaf, and all-day breakfast recipes.
Bruce Springsteen Playlist: Keep The Boss’s greatest hits on hand. His music isn’t just iconic; it’s a morale booster. Bonus points for including Bon Jovi for some rock ‘n’ roll variety.
Jersey Shore Kit: This includes sunblock, a beach chair, and a “Gym, Tan, Laundry” guide. Just because it’s the end of the world doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the shore one last time.
Guide on How to Pump Gas: If you’re lucky enough to survive the apocalypse, and even luckier to find a fully working gas station stocked with fuel, you’re going to need to know how to pump your own gas.
Mall Directory: Remember the malls? In an apocalypse, these abandoned temples of retail might be useful for scavenging supplies or finding shelter. In New Jersey, malls could be the future capitals of regional city states.
Local Sports Paraphernalia: Be it Giants, Jets, Devils, or even historical Nets gear, having your local team’s merch can help maintain a sense of normalcy and pride. You may need these items to join a post-apocalyptic road gang that identifies with local former sports teams.
Sarcasm Detector: New Jerseyans are known for their sharp wit. In post-apocalyptic negotiations, understanding sarcasm could be a matter of life or death. When out of staters pass through, you can loan them your sarcasm detector so they can fully understand the conversation.
Disaster-Proof Hair Gel: Because even amidst chaos, a Jersey resident never has a hair out of place.
Boardwalk Snack Supply: Stock up on saltwater taffy, funnel cake mix, and other boardwalk treats. They’re comfort foods that could bring a sense of nostalgia and joy in tough times.
This kit combines practicality with a nod to the unique culture of New Jersey. It’s a reminder that even in the darkest times, the spirit of New Jersey — resilient, bold, and a bit cheeky — will shine through.