TRENTON, NJ – If you’re one of those people still hiding in your house masked up, with stocks of toilet paper and bottled water, we have the thing for you.
In a move that seems straight out of a satirical playbook, New Jersey still offers an online form for residents to report businesses and neighbors for violating COVID-related Executive Orders, long after the pandemic’s peak. Yes, you read that right—in 2024, you can still rat out the guy down the street for not wearing a mask in his own backyard.
While the world has largely moved on from the stringent measures of the pandemic, New Jersey’s online reporting form remains stubbornly active. The state invites you to fill out a comprehensive dossier on any perceived COVID violations, as if we were still in the darkest days of 2020.
In other words, you can still officially report your neighbors or local businesses for not following Governor Phil Murphy’s now defunct archaic and draconian COVID-19 rules.
The form begins with a stern reminder: if you’re experiencing an emergency, do not complete this form—dial 911. Because nothing screams emergency like someone six feet apart without a mask in a time when most of us have already tossed our masks and hugged strangers at concerts.
If you’re a diligent citizen convinced that an organization is flouting Executive Orders (despite their irrelevance), this form is for you. Forget calling in sick, your civic duty now includes being a pandemic-era hall monitor.
Interestingly, employees are advised to use a different process managed by the NJ Department of Labor for work-related complaints. A separate bureaucratic maze ensures that your boss, who stopped enforcing mask mandates in 2022, can be appropriately chastised.
New Jersey makes it clear that compliance with Executive Orders is not voluntary.
Who can forget the business owners who were put in jail, the liquor licenses lost, and the arrests of restauranteurs who let somebody in the front door.
Never mind that the orders in question have been about as relevant as a rotary phone. You can report anonymously, but don’t expect swift action. After all, it’s tough for law enforcement to prioritize COVID snitch reports over, say, actual crime. Who knows, maybe the Murphy folks are itching to get back in the game. Many COVID-19 hires are still collecting state paychecks.
Describe Your Grievance in Excruciating Detail
The pièce de résistance is the complaint description section. The form urges you to be as specific as possible about the heinous activities of the business or entity. It’s like writing a novel where the plot is that someone dared to exist in public without a face covering.
In a world where we’ve adapted to living with the virus, New Jersey’s persistent COVID violation form feels like a relic from a bygone era. It’s a stark reminder that some bureaucratic measures die hard. So, the next time you see your neighbor without a mask, remember: you have a form for that. And maybe, just maybe, it’s time to let go.
So go here and get your neighbor back for mowing the grass on your side of the property line.
