Snooki to her new neighbors in Toms River: Calm the f*ck down!
TOMS RIVER, NJ – Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is now one of us, whether you like it or not. She has purchased a home in Ocean County, in Toms River intends to raise…
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IS NJ Next? New York Governor Cuomo to Allow Gyms to Reopen at 33% Capacity
ALBANY,NY – New York Governor Andrew Cuomo says gyms will reopen in his state at 33% capacity on August 24th. Those facilities that reopen will be subject to rigorous health and safety…
The Post Office Just Raised their Prices During a Pandemic
WASHINGTON, DC – The US Postal Service is raising their prices in the middle of a pandemic because people are buying more things online than risking going to stores for in-person shopping. …
“Safety Color Codes” Will Be Used to Determine Possible COVID-19 School Closures in Fall
TRENTON, NJ – If your school is one of the ones reopening this fall, it will be monitored by the state with a color-coded safety and virus alert system. According to the…
Maskless Mayor Mo continues showing governor Murphy that face masks are for p*ssies and his workplace guidelines suck
The following is satire based on real events. Toms River, NJ – Toms River Mayor Maurice Hill is a maverick, leading the anti-Phil Murphy facemask indoors at work thing because, well, it’s…
Was Your Vote Counted in July? Find Out By Calling Your Local Election Board, 40,000 Ballots Rejected, More Left Uncounted
TRENTON, NJ – The State of New Jersey has certified the July 2020 primary election and has confirmed that 40,845 mail-in ballots were rejected and tossed, and tens of thousands of ballots…
Trump Escorted Out of Press Conference as Secret Service Shoots Man Outside of White House
WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald J. Trump was escorted out of a press conference today with reporters by the Secret Service as officers outside the White House shot a man. “The investigation…
Murphy Cites Chinese Study of Restaurant as Key Factor in Not Reopening American Restaurants
TRENTON, NJ – New Jersey restaurants are staying closed for indoor dining and Governor Murphy said a study of a restaurant in China done back in January of 2020 is the reason…
Governor Murphy Issues Stern Warning to Bars and Restaurants that Closures Are Imminent If they Do Not Follow His Rules
BELMAR, NJ – Governor Phil Murphy today issued a stern warning to bars and patrons of bars and restaurants that if they do not start complying with his executive orders, they will…
Murphy Denies Responsibility for Deaths In Nursing Home After State Order to Facilities to Accept COVID-19 Patients
TRENTON, NJ – Governor Phil Murphy this week dodged questions from Shore News Network regarding the state-induced deaths of nearly 7,000 senior citizens living in nursing homes and long term care facilities…
Ocean County YMCA to Offer Full Day Child Care PR
THE OCEAN COUNTY YMCA WILL OFFER FULL DAY CHILD CARE AND REMOTE LEARNING SUPPORT FOR THE UPCOMING SCHOOL YEAR The Y will remain closed to members as it transitions to support schools,…
Cooking Star Rachael Ray’s Home Suffers Major Damage in Fire
LAKE LUZERNE, NY – A upstate New York home owned by television cooking star Rachael Ray was damaged in a fire according to the Warren County Sheriff’s Department. The fire damaged most…
Atlantic City Arrests 95 People for Rioting and Looting the City in May
ATLANTIC CITY, NJ – The Atlantic City Police Department announces 95 individuals have been charged as a result of an exhaustive investigation conducted by members of this department following rioting and looting that…
Governor Murphy Asked About 7,000 Dead Seniors In Nursing Homes, Here’s What He Said
JACKSON, NJ – Governor Phil Murphy was not interested in talking about the 7,000 people who died in nursing homes, elder care facilities, long term care facilities and state-run veterans homes during…
Murphy: Increase in Black Bear Attacks, Incident Because of COVID-19, Not Because There’s Too Many In NJ
WEST MILFORD, NJ – The New Jersey Outdoor Alliance on Friday released a statement slamming Governor Murphy’s administration over the deafening silence regarding the recent bear attack in West Milford, NJ. “The…
Former Restaurant Worker Finds New Mission in Life During COVID-19 Pandemic, Store Opening in Jackson Tomorrow
JACKSON TOWNSHIP, NJ – Eight months ago, Lianna Angrisani, of Jackson was working as a server in the food services industry. Tomorrow, she is opening up her own business in her home…
Here’s what back to school will look like in Toms River
TOMS RIVER, NJ – The Toms River Regional School District has announced plans to allow for students and staff to return to school in September and they are calling it a ‘blended…
Jackson Couple, Defense Contractors Charged for Fraud that Could Have Endangered Lives of U.S. Military Personnel
JACKSON, NJ – Three people have been charged for their alleged roles in a years-long conspiracy to defraud the U.S. Department of Defense (DoD) by providing military equipment parts that were not…
FDA Warns Some Hand Sanitizers Can Cause Blindness, Hospitalization and Death
FDA is warning consumers and health care providers that the agency has seen a sharp increase in hand sanitizer products that are labeled to contain ethanol (also known as ethyl alcohol) but that have…
AP Photographer Snaps Photo of Joe Biden’s Notes During Press Conference
WASHINGTON, DC – No, our cover photo is not real, but what we imagined this photo would look like since we won’t pay the AP $500 to republish their photo. You can…
Lawsuit Claims Murphy Double Standards Violates New Jersey Freedom of Religion
TRENTON, NJ – Governor Phil Murphy has exempted political speech and rallies, when conducted by the left from essentially all of his executive orders, but now a pastor and rabbi have teamed…
Murphy Wins: Atilis Gym Owners Arrested after Defying Murphy’s Law
BELLMAWR, NJ – Police have arrested 33-year-old Ian Smith and 51-year-old Frank Trumbetti, owners of the Atilis Gym in Bellmawr for their continued defiance of Governor Phil Murphy’s COVID-19 lockdown order prohibiting…
It’s a bad time to be a tree in Jackson Township as clear cutting continues around town
Written by Randy Bergmann, republished with permission. JACKSON TOWNSHIP, NJ – It’s a bad time to be a tree in Jackson, particularly those trees that have put down roots in the northwest…
New Jersey Governor Blames Crime on Uptick of New Gun Owners! Welcome to The Party, it’s Your fault!
by Theresa Inacker, CNJFO Communications Director, for Black Wire Media www.cnjfo.com/join-us TRENTON, NJ – As a new gun owner, you probably cannot believe that New Jersey Governor Murphy and Democrats in the…
“It’s F*cking Showtime” Says Gym Owner After Murphy Sends Prosecutors to Padlock His Business
BELLMAWR, NJ – Ian Andrew, owner of Atilis Gym in Bellmawr has lost a court battle against the State of New Jersey and he says the Camden County Prosecutor’s Office is on…
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